how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
