I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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