pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
