So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
