We're like a lot better than the average bears
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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