I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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