So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
