it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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