He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
