Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
