i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize