ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
