Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
