He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
