this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
