I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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