I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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