he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
