Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
