i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize