watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
