Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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