he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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