What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
