Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
