I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
