she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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