Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
