Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize