have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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