somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
