i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
