You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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