I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
