hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
