Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
