I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
