I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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