Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When are your genitals available?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
