dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
