I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
