Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
