Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
