textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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