OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
