Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They have beer where we have blood.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize