I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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