things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
