this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
