Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
