and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
