so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
