this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
