Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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