i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My legs feel like baby dolphins
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize