called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
