Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
