It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize