It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
