I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
