I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
