wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
