you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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