On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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