I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
