we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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