i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
