redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
