Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
