I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
